Handling Failures on the Homestead with Grace

Not exactly planned this way, but we pulled into our new driveway on 12/31/2021. It was a true fresh start in the new year. I woke up on January first, coffee in hand, staring off my front porch. My mind was filled with a host of dreams and desires for what life on the farm would look like, feel like, and be like. All the things we would experience and what we would be able to provide for our family and the community as a result.

2022 was actually pretty smooth rolling. During that year, we (mostly my husband), built a hoop house, a garden 4 times the size I had ever managed in suburbia, canned tons of tomatoes, fermented beans, built a chickshaw and had 15 egg laying hens, built a meatshaw, raised and butchered 55 meat birds, bought 8 cows, learned to milk and provided our own milk for several months, got geese, had a buzzing bee hive, and bought a pair of breeding kune kunes. We had never owned any livestock besides a handful of backyard chickens before. The loss consisted mostly of minor learnings on new pests in the garden and ending up with some mushy pickles. The biggest, most painful loss, was learning about bob cat fever, a tick borne illness that is deadly to cats. Our dear family cat, Charles, was a victim that summer. The next, less painful but a bit more hectic, was frantically butchering meat birds one afternoon as they were dying in the heat in front of our eyes.

Then came 2023. It has been one thing after another. We lost our beehive. We lost a cow. We lost 2 baby piglets, a couple geese, and a lovely clutch of goslings I had hoped would hatch. We lost a ton of seedling starts and nearly 175 meat birds to who knows what.

My ideal self says "every failure is a lesson" and while I know this is true, and I can even see the lessons and growth amongst the failures, I still do not always handle them with grace. I am getting better at it though.

My 6 year old daughter helps remind me to be better too. We were called by some friends a few weeks ago to help save a couple, near death, piglets. I had lost our kune kune piglets a few months earlier, but had learned so much through that. Because of that, I immediately said yes and felt prepared, knowing what they would need. They are both thriving right now. I told one friend when I picked them up and her response was beautiful: "Redemption!" It made me laugh. My daughter sat me down the night we got these hours old, fragile baby piglets and said "Mom, if they die, you have to handle it better." I chuckled. She said "I am serious." She is right, I was an emotional mess when we lost Pebbles. I caused tension in my marriage and subsequently, for all our children. It took me several days to process it. That, in and of itself, was a failure with a lesson.

God promises in Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

In knowing God's promises stand, I can rest assured that all the trials and all the successes are for my good, my edification, and for the coming of His Kingdom and for His glorification. So even the loss of Pebbles and my failure to process it has helped me and was good. I understand the importance of handling failures and losses on the farm with more grace and a focus of gratitude towards my maker. The impact the alternative has is great. It is ok to cry. It is even ok to ugly cry, but even that can be done with a level of grace and a spirit of gratitude. Screaming and throwing a fit looks a lot different than grieving and processing something hard that God has given us for that day.

I thank God for the challenges of farm life just as I thank Him for the successes and the peaceful moments and memories it provides. I ask for His forgiveness when I fall short of the graceful processing I desire to possess.

So what have I learned about handling failures with grace?

1. Stay kind. Outbursts of anger at a situation typically end up unrightfully focused at someone you love who does not deserve it. This causes more damage than you are already dealing with. Even if the situation is their fault, harsh and curt retaliation is not going to do anyone or the situation any good.

2. Take a deep breath. If you rolled your eyes, like you have heard this one a dozen times, that is ok. You have heard it a dozen times because it works. Seriously, take a deep breath and give yourself a minute before you start reacting to the situation.

3. Move forward. Whatever it is, it likely cannot be ignored, especially on the farm. It has to be dealt with. Discuss with those close to you to get feedback or consensus and start taking steps forward.

4. Pray and give thanks. Ask God for help, thank Him for the work He is doing in you. Ask Him for forgiveness as you stumble through it. Phil 4:6 "Fret not about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God."

5. Reflect. Ask yourself what you learned. What was the fruit that came out of the fire? How can you use this to be better or do better moving forward?

6. Turn it into action. Use what you learned to actually do better and be better. Do not dwell.

7. Repeat. This is a process. God is refining me and that requires times of hardship and this won't be the last!

In following my wise 6 year old's advice, if we lose May and/or Lindsay, I will be better. I will be more like Christ because of the experiences God is giving me. I will still fail and I will still almost certainly fail at failing at least a few more times in my life. I pray that writing this helps us both fail with a little more grace next time.

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